THE SINGLE LIFE - crazy things really do happen!

True Airport Dream -
I was stuck in the airport on my way back from my college roommate’s wedding and I could not have been happier. I had danced my heart out with my friends like we used to at our secret dorm room dance parties. We were so foolish I was almost concerned about what my parents were thinking. My toast was a hit and I treasured the intimacy of the three-woman bridal party.

When it came time to return to Houston my light heart could not be burdened by the flight delays. I sat at the gate with my book and stuffed my face with a salad while enjoying some people watching. Before I knew it a handsome young man walked up to the counter. I could tell he was cool as soon as I saw his hiking backpack stuffed to the brim. I instantly hoped he would sit by me, but then immediately locked my eyes on the food in my lap. With my peripheral vision I sensed him walking down the isle toward me. He walked across where I was sitting and sat just a few seats away. After a while, I needed to use the restroom, so I decided to ask him to watch my bags. When I returned I thanked him, and went back to reading the Da Vinci Code. There was a long silence as we both continued reading our books. Then he asked the favor in return. Finally he started a conversation by asking me if I liked what I was reading. After talking about the book and introducing our selves he admitted he was reading Pride and Prejudice. He defended himself by explaining that he was trying to catch up on the classics. I liked him. He was from Michigan and currently living in Houston too. Unfortunately, we started boarding the plane soon after, but at least continued talking until we parted to our assigned seats.

My roommate and her boyfriend were picking me up from the airport. When her boyfriend came in to pick me up and found me talking to the strapping young man at baggage claim, he gave me space to do my thing. But of course I didn’t really know what I was doing. We chatted until we walked out the door with luggage in hand and found our rides. I wanted to give him my number but I didn’t want to be too forward, so I rattled off two websites, the Ad Deum website and my church website so he could get more information about future dance performances and details on the upcoming Da Vinci Code book discussion my church was having.

The book discussion was a month later. I doubted he would show up, but of course I dreamt that he would and told my girlfriends about the exciting possibility. I arrived late to the discussion with two friends from the dance company. I took a quick glance around and decided he wasn’t there so I joined the potluck line. Then my stomach fell as I glanced up and caught him looking at me directly across the banquet table.

He invited my friends and I to sit with him at the same table. When it was over we found a quiet corner in the gymnasium where he suggested we exchange numbers and pick a time to get together. To seal the conversation he said, “it’s a date” which sounded sweet to my doubtful ears.

About a week later, he drove his motorcycle to the church parking lot where we met and he jumped in my car. Within the first five minutes he invited me to join him and his buddies the next time they went skydiving, but I avoided giving a serious answer. I probably would have jumped at the offer had I known the date was going to be so incredible. We ordered large messy burgers at the Hobbit Café. We stared at the intimidating meal, then he said “I won’t judge you if you don’t judge me.” Hearing that line made me like him even more and excited to dig into the meal! We followed that up with ice cream and a stroll around the nearby village. The evening ended with an amazing conversation outside on the patio of my favorite coffee shop.

Fireworks shot off on the next date, for the Fourth of July. We threw a blanket down at the park and made bets on where the fireworks were going to be shot from while the live orchestra played in the background. I was so thrilled to have an attractive man’s presence lean in my direction that I went home and re-enacted my favorite moment with my roommates.

Later he invited me over for a barbecue. We prepared our own beef patties and I enjoyed some subtly flirtatious moments, but the relationship started going down hill from there. I was insecure about my “dancer” feet so I wore socks outside on his patio. When he asked me why, I tossed out an excuse that I’m sure he saw right through. We kept our distance emotionally and physically. We never kissed or even hugged; I always waited for him to initiate something but he never did. We had a few more dates after that, but it was difficult to keep any sort of momentum going when he lived 45 minutes away and I was working 12 hour days, six days a week. The final call came while I was in the office - there was no better time to talk so I answered. He explained that it was time to stop his pursuit- it just wasn’t working. I agreed but was frustrated that my lifestyle made any romantic relationship nearly impossible.

First Love -
Airport boy had everything I thought I wanted at the time - he was perfectly tall, cute, and from the Midwest. I had one serious relationship prior; he’s called California boy here. California boy was incredible, but he was shorter than me. I never expected his height to be a problem because I was never attracted to taller guys before, but when he started talking about marriage I began to wonder what it might be like to date a guy who was a few inches taller.

California boy and I met on a spring-break mission trip to Israel. I was a junior in college. He was going to seminary in Boston, but grew up in California. We decided to be one of those goofy “kissed dating goodbye” couples, so we wouldn’t kiss until we got engaged, which added yet another strange aspect to our long-distance, but very serious relationship.

We were “just friends” for a while after the trip, but by the time school ended he jumped at the opportunity to visit Ohio and meet my family. Together we handled a lot of unexpected things, like my car hitting a runaway boat in the highway. But I never thought that introducing him to farm life at my great-uncle’s dairy farm would be just as eventful. We stood close to the cows to watch them get milked. Then, without warning, manure splashed all over our faces and shirts! It was a great time of laughter with my great uncle that I will never forget, and that’s saying a lot because almost all of my memories of my great uncle include him laughing.

I made a trip out to California a month or two later. California boy picked me up from the airport in an old fashioned white Volts Wagon Bug, just like Herby! Herby was cool but quirky! We had to push him in neutral to get him started, which made me mildly concerned when driving on the extra wide highways.

The most magical night happened when we went to the beach and were spellbound by the bio-luminescent tide. Glowing light, the color of lightning bugs, pulsed from the breaking waves and sand moving around my footsteps. He said I was lucky; some native Californians miss the spectacular event because it is so unpredictable.

Though I had always imagined myself single for a few years after college, I convinced myself that I would like to marry him; it seemed like he was waiting for me to agree. When I finally caught up to his level of intensity he ended the relationship a few days after my birthday. It was like climbing to the top of a roller-coaster and instead of getting a joyride the structure chose to disappear from underneath you.

I waited 21 years to be romanced and hadn’t been kissed. I wondered when and if it would come around again. I sat on my fire escape to hash things out with God. I let my fears and resentment fly out. Then something strange bounced back and land in my gut. It felt like an answer: five years.

Set-up This -
The five years passed with a few bittersweet events. During my tour with Ad Deum to Los Angeles, one of the girls set me up on a date with her brother. He reminded me of an advertisement I posted on my bedroom wall when I was in high school. During his earlier visit to Houston I thought I had watched him hit it off with one of the more beautiful girls from the company. So I was really excited later when his sister said he was actually interested in me. The date went well and I found him completely fascinating, but I didn’t let him pursue me because the situation didn’t make enough sense for anything real to develop.

Set-up That -
I had another friendship that made perfect sense on paper. At first I wasn’t attracted to him but with time the attraction grew. I started to imagine how easy the romance could be but our personalities didn’t mesh enough for anything more than friendship. Besides, I wanted to be honestly pursued by a man, and he just wasn’t doing that. I found myself reminiscing about California boy and decided that if I found a love like that again, I would not let a silly height difference concern me. After all, my insecurity wasn’t based on my taste; it was from worrying about what others might think.

Stand-in Kissing -
Finally, it was about time for me to get a kiss on the lips. I figured I deserved one simply because I was 26 years old. The only prior kiss I thought I had was a kindergarten smooch with the boy I imagined I'd grow-up to marry. It was in exchange for a coloring tip. I got the tip, but I’m not sure he took the kiss. Needless to say, when I met a tall man who looked like California boy I decided to take advantage of the opportunity. In the end, Look-alike guy was not a straight shooter and I felt silly for kissing a guy who never even became my boyfriend. The quasi relationship ended around my birthday too, therefore starting and ending exactly five years after the relationship with California boy.

When I finally moved away from Houston (where everyone was getting married except for me), I discovered that riggers fascinate me, and got my second kiss, but he didn’t become my boyfriend either! This time at least it wasn’t part of my expectation; I was just looking for a week of fun. Even with these low expectations, I was still disappointed when I realized he was looking for something I wouldn’t give him. Then one day, during a moment of channel surfing, I saw his face! I know it's silly, but I must admit, part of me is amused by the fact that I’ve kissed a T.V. star.

Runaway Boat -
My memories have certainly entertained me, but most single women out there know how the loneliness and frustration can sometimes become overwhelming. Friendship and laughter has been my favorite remedy. Many of these moments have been shared with my long-lost sister, Tracey. One summer, several years after college, we were visiting one another in Indiana. We sat by a stream discussing our theories on romance. We were both concerned about our incapability to identify and react appropriately to a potential romantic opportunity. We were afraid that we would, or already had, missed the “love boat”. We agreed to help one another when possible. A moment later we spotted an actual boat approaching down the river. From a distance we saw two attractive men on the boat. Tracey pointed out her favorite; luckily my eye favored the other guy more. We must have been starring, because they yelled out an invitation for us to join them for a ride. My mind jumped into turbo mode, imagining all the possible ways to board a boat without a dock, but my mouth only blurted, “What? A ride!?!” I was waiting for a blow to the arm and Tracey’s voice to respond with our acceptance, but she just stood there, silent. The boat kept on drifting by. It was unbelievable! We had just discussed our fear of missing the “love boat” and then it literally passed right by. Somehow fortunately, a few long-years later, we each jumped on board a boat with a man suited just right for a very fun and long adventure.

Fish & Sticks -NOT- Fish & Chips!

Candle light, with my guy by my side. I was hungry and ready to try the best thing on the menu. I did not grow up eating fish, so I couldn't have known any better as I dug into my delicious fillet. Bones! Fishes have them and they don't always get taken out! In my excitement for the flavor on my pallet I swallowed too much, too fast. I asked Arturo if it was bad to swallow bones, and he said yes. I could feel it, but it didn't hurt so I considered eating more to help it go down smoothly. Luckily Arturo knew that those little buggers can be sharp and suggested I go to the ladies room to get it up.

I excused myself and began my novice work on throat manipulation. Then, a little girl knocked on the door. Luckily I could hear her over all my hacking. Her and her daddy had no idea what was going on inside that one-stall bathroom, but as I listened to the candid child I quickly learned that she had pressing needs too. I decided to gather my composure and go back to the table; hoping that if I ignored it, I would be okay. Then I tried to talk and felt the bone pricking me in the throat again. The anticipation grew as I watched for the kid and her dad to finish so I could claim my lot once again. The two young men sitting outside the bathroom must have noticed the drama unfolding before their eyes, but at this point I was on a mission to not let the bone get the best of me. On my return to the wash room I claimed my family's reputation for excellence at innovation, and grabbed the desk lamp (used for atmospheric hue) and pointed it down my throat. I decided if I couldn't see the little jabber I would seek professional help.

Praise God I caught a glips of the tiny bone sticking into my throat wall, but I still I had no luck in getting it out. I walked out to Arturo with one eye on the bathroom door and one eye in deep thought. Then, the chopsticks appeared in all their glory upon the napkin. I grabbed the chop sticks and asked Arturo to accompany me to the ladies room. At this point I believed every eye in the restaurant was watching our inconspicuous steps away from our plates, one meal mostly eaten, the other with only one savored bite gone.

What a relief! Arturo's talent at chopsticks paid off! I have rarely felt so fortunate to swallow, talk, and breath! Please take heed; next time you order fish make sure you get it with sticks! As for the chips? Well, you can taken 'em or leave 'em. -from FALL 2009

Supernatural Changes: (Check in regularly for updates)

Prayer is beautiful. Here are a few examples of wonders I can't take credit for: (recent items listed first)

• I was having one of those lonely moments around the holidays and decided to pass time by watching a U2 DVD about the making of the Joshua Tree Album. When I saw The Edge, hansom in his cowboy hat, I couldn’t help myself anymore and blurted out to my mom and aunt Lisa: “If you ever meet a young Christian guy who looks like that, send him my way!” God must have been listening then too because several weeks after I started dating Arturo he showed up wearing a beanie on his head. I thought he was just trying to flatter me by doing an impersonation, but he hadn’t heard about my love for U2 yet. Of course, Arturo's "look" is just a side-note to all the real reasons why I love him. In case you haven't met him: He is a ton of fun, is artistic to his core, brilliantly wise, and his deep, honest roots make him consistent, calm and adventurous at all the right times. Our differences are complimentary while our similarities make it easy to spend an obscene amount of time together. Needless to say, I’m excited to be spending my life with Arturo, no matter what hat he's got on his head.

• Unknowingly, I prayed for what most New Yorkers think is impossible. An apartment with a big kitchen, an extra room for guests, a convenient location, safe neighborhood, and something affordable. What did I get? All of that plus furniture and wallpaper that reminds me growing up in Ohio. Not to mention, a location that is only 20minutes from Arturo, who I would eventually meet and ended up dating only five months later. How cool is that! The short version makes it sound so nice and easy, but in reality I needed to deal with my pride and expectations before I could recognize what was being offered.

• New York, NY.... the story is too long for this, so instead I have a blog fully dedicated to the story. Please read "How I landed this real-life gig in NYC" for all the details.

• I saw a video of Dance Ad Deum and knew that was the dance company I wanted to dance with if there was any possible way for me to dance professionally. Praise God I didn't follow a boy to Boston! And I'm so grateful that somehow I was good enough to get in. Those were a precious five years in Houston!

• Becoming a college student made me really excited... I was especially excited to live with some girls (growing up with brothers was great... but I thought it would be nice to have a sister too.) So, when my first roommate was well.... just a roommate. I decided to opt for the random lottery and see who I got for my sophomore year. Who did I get, but Tracey Jo Forbes (now Hoesch). She not only grew up with all brothers too, she even looked and talked like me. Another answer to my prayers that I am still, and always will be, thankful for.

• I'm not good with decisions. So, I needed God's help in deciding what college to go to... what I heard back was a scripture. "Seek first the Kingdom of God." So I picked Hope College. It probably wasn't the college my ballet teacher would have recommended, but I could study dance and business and I knew that a dynamic spiritual life was available on campus. I grew so much by being challenged in so many divers ways, I can not imagine a better college experience.

• I was baptized at age 10. The Holy Spirit must have arrived on the scene then, because it helped me live through some dark Junior High secrets. Read the blog "My choice to Live" for more details on this story.

• I was born into an awesome family. Maybe I prayed for that before I was even born? Maybe someone else was praying for me? Or maybe sometimes God just blesses us without us asking for it.

My choice to Live:

I'm so glad I made it through junior high... there was a time when I didn't think I would.

During the day I tried to be like any regular junior high school student, but at night I couldn’t avoid what was going on inside my head; I found myself dealing with a very sincere fear of death. I'm not certain why, but for some reason i was aware of the fact that I had no control over when or how I died, and that [almost literally] scared me to death. Funny enough, I thought life (and death) would be better if I was in control. I guess I still had to learn some humility. Luckily, this was going to be the first of many opportunities for me to see that my life is better in someone else’s hands than my own.

So instead of falling asleep, I cried. A lot, and loudly…. On purpose too… hoping that someone would come to me, saying exactly what I wanted to hear; 100% assurance that everything was going to be okay. My parents were amazing. They did come, and they said what they could, but for some reason it was never enough. Only God knows how many nights this ritual went on, finally one night I realized all this emotional drama was not taking me to where I wanted to be and there was no use in it going on forever. I'm pretty sure there was a moment where I imagined "just getting it over with." Though I don't remember the rest of the details, I do know how it ended.

I saw something, without actually seeing it. A dark cloud hanging, just under my ceiling, that opened to show two faces looking down at me telling me it was time to choose between the two of them. I remembered the things I had been taught in Sunday school... that God brought me into existence, and that He is good. I figured if He gave me my life then why should I expect Him to take it away in some harsh, terrible, premature way. I could either trust His good intentions and accept that if something senseless happens, it won't be senseless to Him... OR take things into my own hands and finish it off with the method of my choice.

In order to get on with my life I had to trust that God is good, that His intentions are good, and that He has power to affect our lives on earth. (Even if He's not the only powerful force on earth, at least He's got the victory when it counts.) I'm so glad I figured that out, I've been able to do more and love more than I ever dreamed of with Him as the leader in my life.

How I landed this real-life gig in NYC:

I don’t dream much beyond the present most of the time. So when I had finally fulfilled my heart's desire to dance with Ad Deum Dance Company in Houston, I was pretty clueless as to what I should do next. My greatest desire was that it somehow include resting and slowing down my life-pace.

I quit the dance company after performing for four years (originally I figured I'd be "down south" 1-5 years). So now it was time to figure the rest out. I ended up waiting, sometimes patiently, sometime not so patiently, for a reason to move “up north.” I didn’t know that it was going to be a long wait; it lasted a year!

During one of my visits with the founder/director of Ad Deum, he handed me a book simply because he thought I should read it. It was about the life of Alvin Ailey. I enjoyed the book and learned a lot. I was glad to know more about American dance history, but thought that its usefulness wouldn’t go much deeper than that.

I figured since I accomplished my first dream to dance with Ad Deum I should come up with a new dream and shoot for that. So I auditioned for the on/off Broadway show “Lion King.” I flew to Atlanta and Orlando, staying with friends and going to the auditions. Soon I realized no matter how hard I pursued it, I would never have the right “look” they were looking for. So I decided to move on.

Being single still and feeling fulfilled that I had done everything I imagined for myself to do as a singe woman, I changed my focus to moving somewhere where I thought I could spend the rest of my life. I looked to Ann Arbor, Michigan because of its location to my family and close college friends. I found a dance school and company I thought would be nice to work for and applied. Eventually I found my dream house to rent, everything seemed to be lining up. But very slowly…

I remembered a fascination I had for Jacob’s Pillow Dance Festival so I looked on their website to see if there was anything I could do for the upcoming summer season to “kill time” until the job in Michigan was official. The first several times I looked nothing was posted of interest to me. Finally, a few weeks before the festival was scheduled to start I found a summer job that interested me. I applied, though it was likely not available anymore; I figured at least there was no harm in trying. Wouldn’t you know I got the job and was on my way out of Houston.

My attempt to get a job in Michigan lasted all summer, finally my second interview in Michigan was scheduled for a few days after leaving Jacob’s Pillow.

During the summer I met a ton of wonderful people, and a handful of them were talking about moving or returning to New York City. One person in particular worked for Alvin Ailey Dance Company and reiterated my previous experiences that anyone I’ve ever met who works for Alvin Ailey is truly wonderful, therefore it would be a great place to work. So, when I heard my twin brother was moving to New York City it “sealed the deal,” I thought, “I should see if the Ailey organization is hiring… just in case Michigan doesn’t work out.” No other set of circumstances would have EVER allowed me to consider moving to New York City in a favorable light.

Sure enough, Ailey had a job posting that fit my expertise. However, I heard very little from the Ailey organization after submitting my resume and thought the little prayer I whispered while sending it off had no affect; I figured they had already found someone.

So when my second interview in Michigan made me feel like a crash and burn victim I felt completely lost. I drove back to my parent’s house. During the three-hour-long drive I cried and confronted God with my concerns. I wouldn’t mind living at my parent’s house for a little bit, but how long would it last?

I was at my lowest point during the drive when I received a phone call from the Ailey organization; they wanted to know if I would still be interested in the job! Of course! I flew out the next day to do an interview. After three days of interviews I was offered the job. I was so caught off guard, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. Or maybe it was more like a rude awakening; I never intended this for myself. But after making the move it didn’t take long for me to realize that I actually enjoy living in The City, more than I ever thought possible.

This experience has reminded me of a beautiful scripture, Ephesians 3:20 “…God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine…”. I’m not sure what is next; all I know is that God is good and the only thing He requires of me is my life. So I am giving it to Him with each step, one step at a time.